The Pancake Chronicles

The Pancake Chronicles: a deeper shade of pale

The Pancake Chronicles

Monday, May 08, 2006

a deeper shade of pale

Today was beautiful. I had a chance to get outside and walk as I did some errands around town. As soon as the sun warms and the snow melts we Yellowknifers are all a bit like the mosquitos we loathe - awaking from our hibernation in a collective horde ready to suck the life out of every bit of summer we can sink our teeth into. Of course it's not as bad as it sounds. But we do emerge from our homes almost simultaneously, tiny pupils blinking in the sun, skin shining white, ready to use the barbecue at the slightest rumbling in our stomachs. As for the actual mosquitos themselves, well, they are a small price to pay for the wonderful feeling of having thawed at long last.

I put on a skirt the other day and although I have always been a little on the fair side I had to say I was shocked at the actual pallor of my legs. They glowed and Mark said something about shekinah-glory white.

In the summer I get this feeling in my heart that I want to have things be as they once were. Playing and loving every minute of being in the only moment you have. It seems I have to work at those moments more. I'm constantly looking for that difference between childish and childlike. How do I keep my heart young whilst retaining the responsiblity that adulthood demands of me? Sombre and trivial things lurk relentlessly wanting to cram life with irrelevance. How do I combine my passion for play and simplicity? I am so serious underneath all my banter and playfulness. I worry more and I wish I didn't feel I had to justify to myself my need, my huge desire to be silly and carefree.

I like that my name means girl.

* having fun and some proof that I've driven a tractor *


Blogger Scrapnqueen said...

I giggled at the "shekinah-glory" part when I read it, and then later on when I thought of it again as I was sitting at the stop light with no one in the vehicle but Jabin, who was sleeping. Anyone watching (as if anyone was watching) must have thought I was a total kook.

I often wish I could be as carefree as a child, too. Sigh.


9 May 2006 at 23:38  
Anonymous Mama-roo said...

Spring does give most of us a sense of the sillies - we happily shake off the heaviness of our winter garb and put on a lighter sense of new life and hope!
This world can use many more playful, childlike people like you who know how to enjoy the moment and make the rest of us smile. How you manage pensive and playful so very well I'll never know! It's one of your characteristics I so admire :)
Remember the quote from Jim Elliott??? "Where ever you are, be all there. Live to the hilt every moment you know to be the will of God"

Love you.

12 May 2006 at 00:37  
Blogger Colleen said...

Hi, Mom!

Well, that's just it ... I don't think I do manage pensive and playful very well! It's a hard place to be because neither side understands the other very well. Hoping that someday the two can get to appreciate each other and live peaceably in one house (me!) at the same time.

Thanks for the encouragement and the perspective! I need that.


12 May 2006 at 12:50  

any questions?

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