a deeper shade of pale

Today was beautiful. I had a chance to get outside and walk as I did some errands around town. As soon as the sun warms and the snow melts we Yellowknifers are all a bit like the mosquitos we loathe - awaking from our hibernation in a collective horde ready to suck the life out of every bit of summer we can sink our teeth into. Of course it's not as bad as it sounds. But we do emerge from our homes almost simultaneously, tiny pupils blinking in the sun, skin shining white, ready to use the barbecue at the slightest rumbling in our stomachs. As for the actual mosquitos themselves, well, they are a small price to pay for the wonderful feeling of having thawed at long last.

I put on a skirt the other day and although I have always been a little on the fair side I had to say I was shocked at the actual pallor of my legs. They glowed and Mark said something about shekinah-glory white.

In the summer I get this feeling in my heart that I want to have things be as they once were. Playing and loving every minute of being in the only moment you have. It seems I have to work at those moments more. I'm constantly looking for that difference between childish and childlike. How do I keep my heart young whilst retaining the responsiblity that adulthood demands of me? Sombre and trivial things lurk relentlessly wanting to cram life with irrelevance. How do I combine my passion for play and simplicity? I am so serious underneath all my banter and playfulness. I worry more and I wish I didn't feel I had to justify to myself my need, my huge desire to be silly and carefree.

I like that my name means girl.

* having fun and some proof that I've driven a tractor *