The Pancake Chronicles

The Pancake Chronicles: an unlikely faceplant

The Pancake Chronicles

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

an unlikely faceplant

Well, I'm going to write today about salad. Yes. Now salad and I go waaaay back. Back in the day with salad. Me and salad just lazing away the hours. Oh salad. I'm being, how do you say it - INSINCERE. Salad and I have rarely been on good terms. I don't know what it is. Yes I do. They suck. I have never understood why there are salads on menus. Salads are what you eat when you feel like eating something without tasting anything. You eat them at home because you haven't gotten groceries yet and all you have is a tomato and the lettuce is starting to go. It fills the hole but there's no love.

So it came as a great surprise to me when I had an encounter with salad that changed me entirely. I was attempting health in a momentary fit of I'm Beginning to Sag and the only thing that stood out as safe on the carte du jour was, oh rue, salad. With no other viable option I bit. And bit some more. In fact I cleaned up and wished it wasn't over. Why? What made this salad so different? Why did it stand out, you query? After all these years and now? At the time it was a mystery. I didn't question. I merely engaged and fully. I enjoyed the experience without reflection.

Days passed into years. My fit of health passed as well and I thought no more of the mystery other than as a lovely memory. But in a fretful recent moment I lamented for I was Continuing to Sag. Change was optional but possible. It was with Herculean effort that I forged ahead. Let me make myself clear. Although change was an option salad was not. It wasn't even on the horizon. Salad sucked/sucks now/will suck and would not be incorporated. So entrenched did I believe this that it didn't even enter my mind. It was smoothies, soup and oatties for me.

And then one day I stumbled over the Formula for a Perfect Salad
. "Hmmmmm", said I with eyebrow raised. I printed it off and hung it on the side of my fridge. For weeks it hung there. But yesterday, for some reason, I (not without trepidation) made a salad according to the Formula. Homemade dressing and all.

It was a.ma.zing.

And there was my revelation. Salads didn't suck. Salad dressings bought from the store suck. Make your own. It's easy. It's good for you. It tastes 515x better.

It was so fine and super I licked the plate. It was a defining moment. A salad faceplant is nothing I asked for. I didn't wish it upon myself but now there is no going back. And who would want to?*

14 Comments:

Blogger Scrapnqueen said...

Oh, Colleen, you made me laugh and cry all at once. I am SO! GLAD! you liked the salad! And you wrote it down with your usual flair.

I love you. A lot.

Here's to many more salady adventures.

15 August 2006 at 14:52  
Blogger Barry Kelly said...

Hey Colleen. Wow, I've never thought of Salad with such intensity. I never knew you were a Saladarian; definatley you are well versed in the arts of Saladry.

Barry

15 August 2006 at 18:53  
Blogger Barry Kelly said...

P.S. Watership down is rad.

15 August 2006 at 18:54  
Blogger Cheryl of the Wilds of C said...

Beakniblet, you crack me up. Only you could make salad a poetic experience. Did your salad have cheese? It's ALL about the cheese.

There is a lady singing at the top of her lungs with her window wide open. She clearly has headphones on. Yikes! ::: snicker, snicker:::

Love you!

15 August 2006 at 22:45  
Blogger Laurie said...

I have the most wonderful recipe for salad dressing it is my favorite and I toss almonds and mandarin orange pieces on it.

1/2 cup extra virgin olive oil
1/2 cup white wine vinegar
1 clove garlic
1 tsp dried tarragon ( use fresh if you can it is better)
1 tsp dijon mustard
1 tsp sugar or substitute
salt & pepper to taste

mix in a food processer or with a hand mixer. It makes the oil thick and it turns almost creamy.

16 August 2006 at 01:06  
Blogger Ace said...

For 6 months, I ate only salad or soup for dinner, in Germany. The reason I loved salad were the salad dressings. The lime salad dressing I bought from the supermarket was freshly made on that day itself or the day before and was really delicious!

I will try out Talena's recipes though, on the weekend perhaps.

Cheers,

16 August 2006 at 02:06  
Blogger Colleen said...

Dear T-Bean! You have given me organic spinach wings with which to fly o'er homemade rivers of dressing. :)

Hey Barry! I myself am surprised by this salad fever. And I'm trying to think of a way to insert "salidarity" into a punny sentence of sorts but my political (lack of) understanding of things prevents me from doing this.
I hung out with your mommy last night. She flute-tooted and I ivory-tickled.
How's Gambia been?

Ruthie - oh there was cheese.

Mrs. Deutscher ... that sounds scrumpdillyicious! Thanks for writing it all out. I'll have to give it a whirl. ;)

Hi Acie - Germany, hey? What took you there for half a year? Did you enjoy it? I would love to be in a place where there was access to wonderful fresh food all the time.

16 August 2006 at 11:19  
Blogger Scrapnqueen said...

LOL! I've got a total picture of you right now with wings of spinach, monstrous spinach leaves floating out behind your arms! Haha!

16 August 2006 at 11:32  
Blogger Rachel said...

I loved that post! You are a very talented writer!

16 August 2006 at 23:00  
Blogger Colleen said...

T! Then you pictured it exactly as I had - the wind in my face, joy in my heart. Wippeee! :)

Thanks, Rachel! I had fun writing this one. 'Twas in a particularly silly mood (which really isn't saying much. HA!)

17 August 2006 at 10:18  
Blogger Sonya said...

Hi Colleen. I have been lurking around your site for a couple of weeks now, but feel that I must come out of the shadows after that amazing tribute to salads. You have inspired me to give salads another chance!

18 August 2006 at 14:06  
Blogger Colleen said...

Oh hey Sonya! I already feel like I sorta know you anyway since I see you popping up at all the places I visit. :) It's funny to me that salads would lure you out of the shadows and into the light. Aaahhh, the power of a good salad. heh heh.

Thanks for coming by!

18 August 2006 at 14:33  
Blogger Dickie Chick said...

Tee hee hee! Thanks for that tribute to the salad. I too have discovered a fabulous salad at Red Robin and try to dublicate it at home. We have it at home lots and lots, varying the version depending on what we have in the house. It is really scrumptious! I can also say that salads have found a new place in my heart.

21 August 2006 at 04:27  
Blogger Colleen said...

shari bobbin! you're home! yay for mexico! yay for salads! yay for red robins! yay for o! all of the above - YAY!

21 August 2006 at 22:51  

any questions?

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