The Pancake Chronicles

The Pancake Chronicles: Mrs. McGoo

The Pancake Chronicles

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Mrs. McGoo

I have the strangest habit of mistaking sad lumps of anything for something alive. For instance: right now I'm actually looking out at the window at the same time I'm typing and I can distinctly see a squirrel sitting on his haunches looking right at me. It startled me at first as I didn't think squirrels would be out and about in this weather. But it's so sunshiny and almost melty that I thought to myself Of course, it's a squirrel! It's a beautiful day! If I were a squirrel I'd be outside on my haunches, too. But you know as I looked at him I thought how still he was. What an amazing still squirrel! He could be a mime! (No, that's not what I mean. He was like one of those statues in downtown Vancouver that's just so lifelike and then the statue moves and you (read: I) scream and/or jump followed by much laughing at oneself and you realise it's no statue before you but flesh and blood.) So I'm looking at this radically still squirrel who is having a staring contest with me and I've blinked several times and he's won the competition hands down and I'm thoroughly impressed when at some point I decide to squint instead of blink and sadly discover that my squirrel is a dirty grey lump of old snow.

You would be alarmed with the frequency of similar scenarios occurring.

In the north we have birds called Ptarmigans (silent "p"). Once I thought there were a whole bevy of white plastic bags bouncing across the road and only upon closer inspection did I see that my bags were white jaywalking ptarmies. A few days later I watched another ptarmigan picking his way over the snowy road and I chuckled to myself. Silly ptarmigan. Squinted. What? 'Tis no ptarmigan! 'Tis a remorseless white plastic bag!

It's not an I Need Glasses thing. It's an I Confuse The Animate With The Inanimate thing. Or an I Have An Over-Active Imagination thing. Hmmm. Glasses probably wouldn't hurt.

Now when I see a plastic bag lying about I say to myself silly ptarmigan. It makes me laugh every time.
*

15 Comments:

Blogger Kori said...

That is very funny! I have done that myself. A squirrel was sitting out back for the longest time. So long that I got my camera and went to get a close-up shot, Well I got a close-up but it was a broken tree branch not a squirrel!

30 January 2007 at 16:49  
Blogger Dickie Chick said...

Toos funny! I can relate to that very much. I often look outside and think I see things that are alive but sadly my eyes have been deceiving me.
I often see my red-berry wreath hanging on my front door and I think that there is someone standing at my front door. It gives me a scare nearly every day!

30 January 2007 at 17:28  
Blogger Sonya said...

I'm so glad that I'm not the only one who does that!

30 January 2007 at 17:46  
Blogger villagegirl said...

I do that all the time! Except mine extends to bears and cougars when out for a walk in the trees. Way too active an imagination on my account! Glad it's not just me. :)

31 January 2007 at 12:01  
Blogger Rachel said...

Yeah...I'm with Jill which is why I can never truly enjoy camping or hiking!

31 January 2007 at 12:55  
Blogger Keri's Collage... said...

That is so funny! I guess we all have one more thing in common that we may never have known!!

31 January 2007 at 17:48  
Blogger Betsy77 said...

Me too! Are we all losing it? Not!

31 January 2007 at 21:56  
Blogger Colleen said...

Yeah, we're losing it. But if we're losing it we're losing it together. It's comforting and ... yet ... strangely discomforting.

:D

1 February 2007 at 08:06  
Blogger Ace said...

Haha, This was quite funny Colleen.

I like your writing :) How've you been? How's the winter treating you? I'm in New Delhi now. And it is not wintery at all!

Take care,

2 February 2007 at 16:26  
Blogger Scrapnqueen said...

I was thinking glasses. Although I often confuse bugs for bits of fuzz, and vice versa.

2 February 2007 at 23:46  
Blogger Colleen said...

Wow! New Dehli, Ace! That's a loooong way from Frozen Tundra Here, that's for sure! Smooch the sunshine for me, will ya?

T, I keep putting off the glasses thing but I know it would help in certain situations. It's not too bad overall but it's inevitable that I will need them. Sigh. Life! :)

3 February 2007 at 11:36  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I see spiders on the ceiling all the time only to find, on closer fearful examination, that I'm looking at the shadow of a particularly down-hanging bit of my bumpy ceiling. I sit back down and let the adrenaline dissipate as I laugh at myself.

I will call all homeless plastic bags silly ptarmigans from now on. Thanks for the laughs!

(It's me, Monky, who has not yet upgraded to the latest version of Blogger out of sheer laziness)

3 February 2007 at 19:15  
Blogger Colleen said...

Hi you! and welcome Monky! I'm surprised by how much we are much alike in this regard - fabricating life out of bits of fluff and tree branches. I'm guess I'm not crazy after all ... or we all are (more likely).

I love your voice in all its forms and (in)frequencies. :) I look forward to your words and I don't doubt you in its silence. You are just right for me.

4 February 2007 at 14:33  
Anonymous Cheryl said...

I can hear you saying, "Silly Ptarmigan". :::giggling to myself:::

At least you can be encouraged about your staring contest abilities. It's darned near impossible to out stare a dirty grey lump of old snow. The next squirrel who tries to stare you down won't stand a chance!

4 February 2007 at 21:39  
Blogger Colleen said...

Ha ha, Ruthie! Yes! Come lump of snow! Come squirrel! Bring it on.

5 February 2007 at 10:04  

any questions?

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