The Pancake Chronicles

The Pancake Chronicles: how I spin

The Pancake Chronicles

Thursday, October 18, 2007

how I spin

      I just thought I'd chat for a bit. Maybe I'm starting to feel a little lopsided. What is it that's pushing out today? My heart throbs and feels.
      I love coming here. I come here and I'm encouraged by you. I like to come here because it's a way of seeing beauty in my life. Look! There it is, laid out in centered photographs, concise statements. I can blurt and blab. I can throw pictures up when I have nothing to say and I don't want you to forget me. Or when I have too much to say and don't know where to begin. I write when pictures aren't enough and they never are.
      I become weary of feeling everything, everything, so strongly. It makes me want to hide under the covers and let all calls go to voice mail.
      Staying inside my head isn't what I need. Figuring everything out isn't what I need. I turn my brain around a thought and thoughts until I'm spinning. This place where you are, where you know me, is where I choose my joy so that I can see it.
      Almost every morning for as long as I can remember I wake up with that spin. Worry elbows its way in, shoving out sunshine. Almost every morning I pray, I read. I want to and try to do one thing at a time without borrowing tomorrow's trouble. For me to fight this, at least today, isn't to look for explanations. It's to accept that what I feel is real but that it isn't everything.
      Choose joy and give it away. That's what I want. That whatever I choose I wouldn't keep. And if it's something I wouldn't want to give that I would stop choosing it for myself.
      I want out of my head and into my life. I like my head but I rattle around in here much too much.
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5 Comments:

Anonymous Karen Beth said...

I feel this way sometimes too although I don't always go and get things out onto my blog. I let them sit in my head and fester. Not good.

I love this line:

"...if it's something I wouldn't want to give that I would stop choosing it for myself."

How very true that is and something we all need to remember and take to heart.

Blessings to you today,

Karen Beth ... xo... :)

18 October 2007 at 12:30  
Blogger Tara said...

this post reminded me of you writing in your journal at Capernwray. I can still picture all the beautiful little pictures and doodles you drew and how much time and effort you put into it. Love it.

18 October 2007 at 16:29  
Blogger Scrapnqueen said...

I often feel that there is too much to care about. There are so many lies to shed truth about. There are so many injustices done by Big people that we Little people are seemingly powerless against.

I liked this post. I love that you "choose your joy." It's a good reminder to me that I also need to choose it more often--both the subject and the state of being.

Sometimes we hide here, don't we? But it's only for a season. When we're through hiding here, we can simply shine here as one more place in a long list of places to shine. Or maybe we do them both at the same time.

And that's okay.

Love you.

18 October 2007 at 21:49  
Anonymous Captain Cat said...

Oh Colleen! I feel so much of what you say. I know what you mean about spending too much time in your head and not enough in your life - it can get tiring and frustrating, you just want to tell yourself to shut up and get back out there!

You strike me as being someone very strong and wise who would choose joy and happiness without thinking twice. And those things will always just naturally float around you because that's the sort of person I get the impression you are.

As I just mentioned in my comment to your previous post, I would so love to hang out with you, and I'd love to meet Wendy too. I think we'd have a lot of fun.

x

19 October 2007 at 06:09  
Blogger villagegirl said...

Yup.

19 October 2007 at 23:02  

any questions?

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